Marching Band New Years' Resolutions

• I WILL NOT expand my listening repertoire beyond "John Phillip Sousa's Greatest Hits" and Drum Corps.
• I WILL NOT dress the lunch line.
• I WILL venture outside the band room at least once per day.
• I WILL buy some shirts that aren't from old band performances, competitions, or groups.
• I WILL NOT conduct along with my car stereo.
• I WILL convince at least one person that duct tape is magic.
• I WILL carry a drill chart at all times.
• I WILL NOT drum on my desk during math class.
• I WILL stop practicing when my fingers feel as though they will fall off.
• I WILL remember to eat when band and finals occur simultaneously.
• I WILL NOT amuse myself at percussionists' expense.
• I WILL take music theory seriously.
• I WILL refer to athletic teams with respect, never as the 'Pre-show Entertainment'.
• I WILL NOT hide in a uniform room to avoid pep assemblies.
• I WILL return the bandroom keys to the director when he asks for them.
• I WILL NOT believe that a baton, podium, or any other inanimate object is a living object that deserves respect.
• I WILL figure out where all my black socks went.
• I WILL NOT make a cartoon strip with characters in a band uniform.
• I WILL remember to remove my nail polish before every performance.
• I WILL NOT make in-jokes in the presence of non-band members.
• I WILL invent a device to keep woodwind instruments warm and in-tune during cold weather.
• I WILL NOT complain when we have to rehearse indoors during a rainstorm.
• I WILL cut back to one caffeinated beverage per day.
• I WILL NOT replace the director's score with something inappropriate, silly, and/or confusing before a concert.
• I WILL go to bed before 4:00 AM each evening.
• I WILL NOT cringe visibly when songs on the radio are out of tune.
• I WILL acknowledge that Oboe players are people, too.
• I WILL NOT complain when my arms get sore from carrying around a Trumpet all day.
• I WILL understand that Fruit Rollup, pickles from a Sonic burger, ketchup, and 7-Up do not constitute a balanced meal.
• I WILL thank a band booster before every show.
• I WILL NOT repaint the sign on the football stadium so that it says 'band field.'
• I WILL bring back my uniform if I wear it home.
• I WILL NOT use "Treasury of Scales" as bonfire fodder.
• I WILL remember my instruments birthday.
• I WILL NOT refer to my section leader and/or any other pushy leader as "Spawn of Satan."
• I WILL wear SPF 15 or above lip balm when playing in the sun all day.
• I WILL drive in a safe and courteous manner at all times, even when I'm going to be late to rehearsal.
• I WILL NOT run over the football team with the marimba.
• I WILL remain awake during theory lectures.
• I WILL remember to eat at least once a day, even when my schedule is hectic.
• I WILL NOT use electrical tape to imitate black socks before a show.
• I WILL be on time to practice even when Sponge Bob the marching band eposode is on.